The Attempt

Time flies...

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 05:59:13 GMT

Just to prove I'm still here... I've just realized a couple of things:

1. Duran Duran has been releasing albums for 25 years!
2. Some part of me still wants to look like they did back then...

:)

(If you're wondering, my favorite song by them in the early 80s was "New Moon on Monday".)

How long...

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 00:34:38 GMT

Yes, it has been quite awhile since I've posted. Somewhere in the vicinity of January I turned my focus hard on my career and analyzed what I wanted for my immediate and long term future. I found that (1) I liked the projects I've been working on, despite all the stresses involved, and (2) that I really thought that I'd be happiest with a 'regular' developer's job.

Sometimes I can be downright lazy, but when I do put my mind to something I can really attack things. Well, I put my mind to making the change...

One of the biggest monkeys on my back after taking a position in my current group is that I almost didn't get the position on the account of my assessed development skills by the director of development. I've always felt I had the capacity, but I didn't have much opportunity for doing much coding until coming into this group- and there would undoubtedly be concerns about my lack of, um, 'seasoning'. So I've had a fair amount of paranoia about my skills over the past two years.

I buckled down as hard as I could and made it as clear as possible that I wanted to move from SDE/T to SDE (Software Development Engineer [in Test]). I got an offer around March to become _the_ Setup and Build dev for the suite. Hmm... well, I'd never done anything related to either, but I felt it was my best opportunity and therefore I took the position.

Did I mention that I knew nothing? And man alive are these areas huge. As a first step I had to put together a build system (in MSBuild if you're curious) that would build managed and unmanaged projects that share some code. That includes command line and VS based builds for individual developers as well as a daily build system that does all of the fun stuff like localizing and distributing bits around, etc., etc. I did have a good base in one of the apps to work from- but a LOT of work needed to be done to make it work in a generic way for the entire suite.

I think I pretty much mastered the build, but the next task was even more frightening--Setup. Ugh- I lived in fear of this as the potential for screwing up is much greater. The Windows Installer isn't particularly easy to grok--I really feared that I wouldn't understand enough of it to feel comfortable putting a number of installers out in several different languages (at least by the time the first binaries are RTMed).

Last week I hit a big milestone in getting my installer code reviewed by 'the' people that know setup. I came up smelling like roses and I can't begin to tell you what a difference that makes in my stress level. Oh, I still have a TON of stuff to do, but now I have a level of confidence that is *so* much higher.

So there it is. Probably not that interesting, but the bottom line is that I just might stick a thought or two up here a bit more often. :) If I've been inattentive, I apologize.

Breath

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 08:29:59 GMT

Not much to say other than I'm finally considering poking my head up a bit. Been reflecting quite a bit and needed to turn inwards for a bit. Life and work had been a bit draining through the fall and I needed to turn full focus to my running responsibilities.

It's Alive!

Fri, 10 Jun 2005 00:16:44 GMT

I've been keeping a low profile for sometime now, but now I can tell you all about what I've been working on. We've just released our beta so anybody out there who has Windows XP please go take a look! The NEW app. Professional level vector and pixel drawing is our bag. Some very cool bits:

Live Effects: Apply any combination of filters to your vector shapes and pixel drawings and you can still edit everything.
Photo Stitching: The best I've ever seen.
Web Preview: Set your rendering settings (say JPG at 72dpi and medium compression) and you see exactly what your results will look like and, yes, still edit everything.
"Skeletal" Strokes: Just about anything can be made into a vector stroke. Vectors, other strokes, etc.
The best cut out feature I've ever used. Start with a selected region then mark areas that are in and out of the picture.

Still on this planet

Wed, 04 May 2005 05:20:29 GMT

I've had an interesting several weeks. I'm still a bit overwhelmed by how much I've still got to process and I'm not sure how soon much of it will come out here. I will say it's been an incredibly powerful time for me and I'm quite thrilled to have my head full again. :)

If you read back through my posts (including my memories) you'll see some bits on the importance of honesty and openness. I feel even more strongly now that is what has enabled pnwmom and myself to have spent an incredibly productive 11 years together so far. I appreciate her capacity to communicate in ways I can't begin to describe justly--seeing how she can handle me flogging every last nuance out of a topic for several days on end makes me feel pretty damn lucky. Have I mentioned how much I love her? Certainly not enough.

Well, stay tuned and hopefully I'll be able to write something profound before too much time goes by.

(On the mundane front got my first physical since the Army. Triglycerides are too high, and my good cholesterol is too low. I'm already at a high risk for adult-onset diabetes, doc tells me to lose 10 lbs, cut down saturated fats, and start taking Omega-3 in force. Other than that, healthy.)

Resonance

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 23:17:37 GMT

Thanks to a very special and amazing person that recently entered my life I've finally been turned on to Anaïs Nin. I'm kind of shocked that I never was exposed before. I did read Delta of Venus and enjoyed that for what it was, but never found my way from that to her diaries and such (although I did see Henry & June).

A few things that really resonated with me:

"When others asked the truth of me, I was convinced it was not the truth they wanted, but an illusion they could bear to live with." November, 1933 from The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Volume One 1931-1934

"There will never be darkness because in both of us there's always movement, renewal, surprises. I have never known stagnation. Not even introspection has been a still experience..." August 1932 from Henry and June

"For me, the adventures of the mind, each inflection of thought, each movement, nuance, discovery is an immense source of exhilaration." January 20, 1934 from Incest

Clarity

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 09:58:07 GMT

I just have to share how astonishing it is to me how much clarity has entered into my life lately and how everything that surrounds me is pulling this clarity into an ever tighter focus. I'm stunned in a very good way.

Across the Universe

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 06:54:40 GMT

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither wildly as they slip away across the universe.
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind,
Possessing and caressing me.

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
They call me on and on across the universe.
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box,
They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe.

Sounds of laughter, shades of love are ringing through my opened ears
Inciting and inviting me.
Limitless undying love, which shines around me like a million suns,
And calls me on and on across the universe...

(From Across the Universe, Lennon/McCartney.)

Sorry one more...

Fri, 01 Apr 2005 07:00:52 GMT

Sorry, but this is hillarious. :)

(Edit: This was destined to drop off. The comic is of a man wedged between the headboard and the wall with his wife asking him if got up on the wrong side of the bed.)

Lighter side

Fri, 01 Apr 2005 06:57:58 GMT

I had to share this. The topic came up again that I met my wife online 11 years ago. A younger co-worker was astounded in the way of "people did that back then?". Another co-worker said "Yeah, they sent ASCII-art pictures of each other.".

What is Love?

Fri, 01 Apr 2005 06:54:45 GMT

Ok, light topic. ;) My thoughts (of course):

Dependence is not Love. Possession is not Love. Lust is not Love.

Life is about living it. Living life is not simply surviving/existing within it--that's life living you. Living life is actively participating in the process.

Growth is the increasing ability to effectively participate in life. That growth comes from understanding. Understanding of one's self in relationship to life in general.

Loving yourself is caring about and actively facilitating/pursuing your own growth. Loving someone else is caring about their personal growth and actively facilitating it. You can "care" about someone else's personal growth and not Love them. If this is true what is the differentiating factor? The "active" term is part of the difference. (Which ironically sometimes involves inaction--determined inaction anyway) But that isn't all, truly Loving someone is giving their growth priority in a way that's consistent and doesn't revolve around your own desires and convenience.

You cannot actively facilitate someone's growth if you don't know what pursuing growth entails. You can't truly know what growth entails if you haven't pursued it yourself. If you do not Love yourself you cannot "truly" Love someone else.

Inhibiting someone's growth is not Loving them. Completely subsuming and sacrificing your own growth for someone else isn't Loving them as you aren't Loving yourself. ( ... )

Well, that's my first stab at it, anyway. All things I've thought of and discussed, but I don't think I've ever written them down.

Identity Me

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 03:57:56 GMT

This came up in conversation at work of all places and I saw another reference to identity that compelled me to jot down another bit of the past.

As I've mentioned, I did a stint in the Army. I joined out of HS for a multitude of reasons. (Another story.) I was a Patriot missile technician/operator which, as far as Army jobs go, is pretty technical. Seemed the right sort of thing for me to do.

If you knew me then or know me now the concept of me in the Army is a little hard to fathom. (Hell, it's hard for me. It is almost unreal.) It wasn't particularly easy. I did alright, enjoyed working on the missile system, but didn't really enjoy the "Army Life".

More beneath the cut...

I was sort of a cut-up, you see. I had (shh) books in my room. Quite a few, considering. Even worse, I had a computer. This struck some of the senior people as pretty deviant behavior (especially in the late 80s). I didn't amuse myself with blowing what little money they gave me on going out drinking, which was really the more acceptable norm. (Not that I never did go out, but it was an effort that I was always hesitant to make. I found it an awkward experience. I got a few interesting stories out of the times I did go, but little else that I can even remotely find rewarding.)

It's understandable that drinking was a big thing. It was stressful work. Long hours, little pay. (I averaged over 110 hours a week for a good stretch. No, really, 110. Duty shifts were 36 hours for what I did.) I personally turned to my books and tried to get out as much as I could to unwind. Much rather sleep so that I could get out on the rare day I had off than sleep away my free time hung over.

The books and such weren't enough and were actually a bit of a problem do to their "unnatural" nature. I caught a lot more unwanted attention than I wanted to. I did bond with a few of my co-workers and did very well at my job (got a medal, even). I wasn't happy however, and I slowly became less and less so.

Well, there's the setup. Me (in Germany) working my ass off and getting more and more unhappy.

After I had been in Germany for several months I had an unusual opportunity. My Uncle, who was in the Air Force, was stationed near me. His presence was one of the few things that kept me going. He could take me places and get me the hell out of things for a brief while here and there. The opportunity that I got (that he provided) was getting a chance to visit with my Grandparents over to visit him. I managed to take a few days off with them and travel around a little.

I enjoyed myself thoroughly. I felt like a weight was lifted off of my chest.

After my leave had ended I found myself back in the barracks lying in bed, staring into space and reflecting on the time I had just spent with my family. Why was I so happy and content? Why was I dreading getting up at 4:30 and starting my other life again? It began to become clear to me that it was, in fact, another life I was living. A life that required a serious realignment of self to adjust to effectively. I had to change to make it work. I, in fact, had been making such change (slowly).

I had a moment of blinding truth... I realized I didn't want to change to fit. I realized that I had been truly my "old" self for a few days and, holy shit, I actually liked that old self. That was me. It blew me away. I was never particularly happy with myself and had a pretty low self image. I was certainly flawed, but I had finally realized that I liked the core of who I was.

That epiphany is what this entry is all about. Backed up against the wall I was forced to decide between my real identity and the identities I and others thought I should have. It set up a descent into hell, but was a fundamental turning point in my life. (I'll spare the hell story (again) for another time.)

The Littlest Cultist

Wed, 30 Mar 2005 05:26:35 GMT

My three year old was walking around today holding a basket in front of her and repeating "Elmo is light" over and over. At first I thought I needed to get some serious deprogramming until I realized what she was trying to mimick. Too funny.

The net generation

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 00:09:27 GMT

When I first started using email and the like 15 years ago it was pretty common to not have email/online access. The situation now is clearly different. In trying to get back in the swing of things after being relatively "off the grid" a couple questions have come to mind. With an increasing number of people communicating online it would seem that the ability to communicate in this medium should be getting better for the average person. Does anyone see this as being or not being the case? Are people communicating better with experience? Or just more? Opinions?

Deutschland

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 07:39:05 GMT

More reflection... I've been doing a heck of a lot of thinking lately (even more than usual).

I spent a year in Germany. It was an experience that I miss, despite all of the heartache. Heartache? Well, I was in the Army and it didn't really, um, agree with me. That's a reflection I'll spare you from this time as the most important thing in my memories are the good things.

What sticks out in my mind most is something fairly simple, yet profound for me...

I tried to get out and walk around as much as I could. I was stationed outside of a town that was on the Rhine river just south of Mainz & Wiesbaden. This particular stretch of the Rhine is wine country. Up and down the sides of the hills along the Rhine are vineyards (so steep in some cases they have to lower themselves in carts on ropes).

One sunny, warm day I decided to walk aimlessly and found myself sitting on top of one of those hills, completely by myself. A gentle breeze was blowing and it was completely devoid of the noise of civilization. I watched the barges floating up and down the Rhine and an enormity of place washed over me. I felt a real connection to thousands of years of human history that I had only seen through the now distantly remote pages of a history book.

Its a simple experience, but it really meant so much to me. So much peace and happiness... The simple things always seemed to matter more to me. I enjoyed just getting on the train and going to Wiesbaden with the simple goal of walking around and taking things in as I collected and sorted my thoughts. I would have rather done that then anything else.

It's a wistful memory on some levels. I really don't get out as much as I should. I've worked so hard to get my career in order--I've given up so much. Now that I've gotten a clear track on that there's so much to think about that I've had to essentially ignore for so long. How do I proceed from here? Am I missing goals? How do I face the pent-up desires that I've shelved?

I think I didn't really realize how my work really saturated my life. I'm rethinking a lot of what's happened over the past 10 years. How much of what I've done has been an attempt to refocus or cover over dissatisfaction or lack of full excitement with my job?

One thing I know for sure is that I'm not happy with the fact that I've been in a cave for 3 years. Perhaps it was necessary to move on to the next level.

Sigh

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 00:24:57 GMT

I'd almost forgotten how difficult it can be to trade posts. If you're at all interested you can follow a little confrontation of mine at http://www.livejournal.com/community/agnosticism/135122.html. It is religious in nature, consider yourself warned. :)

Where the heck was I?

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 08:16:29 GMT

Under a rock? Why yes, I have been. The kids thing is a fairly obvious thing, but what the heck else have I been doing?

Career change was a big thing that was fairly recent. I knew I was dead-ended in what I was doing and had to find a way out. How and when were big questions, of course. When I found out that I was having a second kid it seemed to me that it would make a lot of sense to wait until after it was born before seriously looking elsewhere. Heck, I even thought of completing a third cycle (another 2 1/2 years) of what I was working on. As we finished shipping the most recent cycle I found my group getting reorganized. The other good people left, but Will was coming and I figured I could hang on...

I really started second guessing my decision after the first time I did a skip one-on-one meeting with my new bosses' bosses' boss. *shudders* It was about the worst meeting I ever had. He had *no* clue who I was or what I or my team were doing. Frightening as I was one of his higher level employees and my team was a big part of his group. He spoke to me about what the product was (the product that I had spent 6 years working on) and gave me a basic introduction to the test org (did I mention 6 years. I literally almost threw up coming out of that meeting. Needless to say I went into a rather unhappy phase. I got in such a stupefied daze of existence. Bad enough that one day I drove my truck into a concrete pillar in the parking garage (yes, the same one I'd parked in for 6 years). I started looking, but was hampered by the imminent birth...

I went on paternal leave without any real resolution. They moved office buildings while I was gone (my first in the already mentioned 6 years). The day I came back I ran into a concrete pillar in the new garage (even harder than the first time). Subconscious, higher/greater power, I don't know, but I was being told to get the hell out.

So I began looking in earnest. Problem was that in a relatively high job level that was very niche. I was a tester that wasn't really testing--I was more of a program manager in test. I could have looked for a lead (management) position, but I didn't want one. I wanted to code, but I wasn't doing any coding on a regular basis. I liked PM'ing, but I wasn't a PM. There were no individual contributor test positions at level that weren't heavy coding positions. Ends up that even though I had great review scores I was hampered by my success--it's a big risk to take someone into a different discipline at higher levels. I could have theoretically taken a lower level position if it weren't for the fact that I couldn't afford to drop my income. So I decided to push as hard as I could for a PM position...

I got a few nibbles, but not a lot of bite, which ended up be for the best as I stumbled across a new PM position for a brand new group that was working on an application with a very creative bent. Very cool, I thought--I've always hoped I could do something with a creativity app, but not much opportunity for that sort of thing at the 'soft. Ends up they liked me a lot (and vice versa), but I was up against a possible "industry" hire. They went with the attempt at gaining some industry respect, but said "hey, would you consider this test position?". I'll happily *consider* anything and I told them as much.

Gave it some thought and I realized what was most important to me is not what my tasks were, but rather what I was working on. So I decided I *would* get the job and did. I was still held up a bit by their coding assessment ("you can code well, but you're not doing it") but I wouldn't take no.

Ends up this has turned into the most incredible experience I could have ever hoped for. I'm working like crazy, but the potential payoff is ridiculously high. The challenges are completely different than anyone that I know at ms has faced. The coding I've done is way beyond what I could have hoped for an opportunity to do. My skills and experience levels have gotten on a very fast track of improvement. We haven't announced the product yet so I can't say much about it, but I'm excited to share more once we have.

So there you are. There's my long-winded, boring career story. :)

What else have I done? Well... major home improvement sorts of things. Power tools are fun, but wow, did I bite off a lot. A story for another time. Probably seeing way too much of me, anyway. Don't want to overdo it. ;)

OKCupid fun

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 06:26:07 GMT

Ok, it is much better. (than Friendster) Very interesting and quite addicting. :)

I answered 500 or so questions and got a few matches that, er, weren't far from the family tree, so to speak. 89% is the best match I hit locally so far. Found that one quite interesting on a whole slew of different levels. Boy, I really was out of touch...

So what are your "high" numbers? What is "high" in terms of this thing?

Just for kicks

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 07:30:37 GMT

Just thought you might get a kick out of seeing me as a HS senior...
(It's also a good chance for me to figure this posting thing out.)

Keeping in the spirt of things...

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 05:42:01 GMT

I've updated my friendster entry and made a few requests (of those I could find). Please feel free to send a friend request if I didn't find you...

Join me on Friendster!

Nervous much?

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 07:30:52 GMT

I was thinking about how difficult I can find it talking to people I'm really attracted to and I thought I'd recollect a bit.

Even as far back as the first grade I vividly remember crushing big time on Suzy. I don't have any real good stories involving her from that time, but I firmly established my ability to scramble my brain, tie my tongue, and sweat profusely. Normally I have very little fear (and no shame, either). But put me in front of someone who makes my heart skip a beat and I won't even qualify to ride the short bus.

My first real (BIG) crush post puberty found me eventually working up the courage to talk to this wonderful girl in the school library. I sat this vision down and began to give her my over-practiced speech. To maintain some semblance of control I put my hands in my pockets as I spoke. When I finished my spiel and we stood to leave I pulled my sweaty hands out of my pockets to find that I had thoroughly dyed them a deep aquamarine. (Damn 80's clothes. At the time I never ever wore jeans, always slacks.) It was, shall we say, an awkward moment as we both stared at my hands in a mixture of amazement and disbelief...

(And no, we didn't hook up. Complicated story that involved many things including a senior BF.)

My self-perceived inability to talk to attractive women came up in therapy at some point. I can't remember when exactly, but the talk centered around facing your fear. When I was in college many years later I found myself working crowd control for a number of basketball games. It's usually a pretty boring job where you simply make your presence known and look like you're in control. Lots of time to just, well, look around. Ends up the cheerleaders were somewhat distracting. One in particular really caught my eye. After a number of games I found myself quite attracted (obviously purely physically). Somehow I found the connection in my head one day that I would never be able to bring myself to act upon that attraction and strike up a conversation so I decided that I should do precisely that. I arranged to meet this girl in the commons one day to simply tell her that I would, by nature, never talk to her so I had decided that I must. I briefly explained my fears and how I was facing them and then left. Probably one of the oddest experiences of her life. (I did know that she was dating from seeing her at the games.)

I'm not as bad as I was as a teen, but I'm certainly still challenged. I'm a lousy "cruiser" as a result and never did find much value in hitting bars or parties to look for dates.

Nothing really earth shattering here, just some memories that are interesting to me.

Dragging the wife into it...

Sun, 20 Mar 2005 23:04:15 GMT

I'm trying to be convincing, but it's hard to explain something I'm so new to... I have managed, however, to convince the lovely pnwmom to join us and give this thing a shot. Welcome sweetie!

Remedial Joss Whedon training

Sun, 20 Mar 2005 07:59:03 GMT

Yes, much to the dismay of many friends I knew very little and cared very little about this thing called "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". Well, in my new parent drop from the face of the earth I did some remedial TV training. Ends up that Buffy was quite cool. For that matter, so was Angel, and the sadly brief Firefly. I bring this up as we've just finished the final episode of Angel. It wrapped up a bit too quickly for my taste (the pace of the final episodes--the same goes for Buffy, actually), but it was quite a good ride and now I trully join the legions of those wishing Joss had more episodic TV in the works. You'll also be happy (well, maybe) to know that Kira has been fully indoctrinated and is quite the monster hunter now. (Who knew that some of her first life lessons would be trying to understand why there is no more Buffy?)

Other than the fairly heavy torture of the next-to-last season of Buffy (OK- I GET it-- she's MISERABLE--figured it out, oh, about 15 episodes ago... *flail*) I'm quite happy that I made the investment.

And since I'm talking TV I did also make my way through all of B5. I did enjoy it overall, although there were enough low points to make it rate as simply OK for me.

One thing I am happy about is that Stargate is still in full production (with a spinoff series I'm eager to see). Much, much goodness in this series. I don't have cable so I live off of DVD--I'm happy that there are still some good things to fill my pending shelf with. (In case you're wondering why I live non-Tivo: I'm very picky about getting the best quality, am allergic to commercials, and, well, I'm a DVD addict.) Watching an epsiode of whatever works very nicely with small children at night, btw. 42minutes and they're ready for bed or asleep. It's well within Kira's tolerance level.

Currently watching:
- Voyager
- Hercules
- Xena

Planning to watch:
- More Stargate
- Alias
- 24
- ST:TOS
- Sliders
- Simpsons
- Kids in the Hall
- Battlestar Galactica (both)
- Buck Rogers
- Andromeda

Finished (one round, anyway):
- ST:TNG
- ST:DS9
- Buffy
- Firefly
- Angel
- B5
- Futurama
- The Flying Circus

Missing:

???

Meeting online

Sat, 19 Mar 2005 08:00:57 GMT

I met my wife a little over 11 (gasp) years ago on AOL. The whole meeting online thing came up in discussion and I tried to compose a few words of "advice". I was pretty drowsy at the time (and I still am), but I thought it might still be interesting to share:

... {snip & edit} ...

The first thing is that there obviously is a completely flipped scenario when falling for people online as opposed to real life. Building an attraction based on the cerebral vs. the physical (at first, anyway) has a lot of benefits and drawbacks.

The biggest benefit is that you are forming a relationship foremost on communication, which sets a good precedent and foundation for a meaningful, productive relationship. More than anything else communication makes or breaks any relationship in the long run. For my wife and I it set the tone of “brutal” honesty that we seized upon as a central tenet of ours and it’s worked out pretty well. It’s definitely not been all roses—we’ve had *very* difficult discussions. There is really nothing I withhold from her (no, really, nothing). It has rubbed our noses in self-esteem related issues, which can really be painful. I do, however, feel much the better person and couple for having made effort in this direction.

There’s an interesting bit I’ve read on the psychology of dropping one’s ego boundaries and how that relates to “falling in love”. I’ve also heard it referred to “NRE”, or “New Relationship Energy”. It basically quantifies the euphoric feeling you get when revealing yourself and being accepted while doing it. It’s a very temporal thing, but it feels damn good. There is a lot of interesting discussion to be had about how this translates into the feelings that surround a long-term loving relationship, but the reason I bring it up is that it’s terribly important to recognize the feeling and the source of it as it muddles one’s judgment. It’s comes up with online meets as it is usually easier to reveal oneself in an online forum as the rejection risk is much lower. It can potentially be easier to be “blinded”, and it can also end up being difficult to overcome the awkward switch to real face-to-face communication as the risk suddenly jumps much higher.

This relates to the dilemma of on online relationship being filtered. You definitely are seeing a more important part of someone, but it is clearly through a somewhat narrow lens. You form a picture of said person through said lens that needs significant readjustment when the filter is removed. This isn’t easy. (And, yes, this happens with any relationship to some degree, but these things are all more acute when discussing things online.) This is, of course, complicated even more if you have a long distance relationship.

I’ve also found that you can end up questioning your and your partner's physical attraction to some level if you do establish a continuing relationship. Unless you’re really smitten in this department it’s probably a little rougher to sort out how you feel without second-guessing yourself. Not a big thing, but worth mentioning.

I’ll wrap up with a summary of our commitment, which I think ultimately made our relationship successful so far. We committed to growth as a couple and as individuals. We committed to honestly try to grow and to facilitate that through completely open and honest communication. We set the bar such that our continued commitment revolved around continuing to grow. If either of us really became a drag on said growth that stagnation would be the signal that our relationship was no longer a wise enterprise.

Bottom line is that the risk of making a commitment based off of an online relationship (again, especially long distance) is greater than normal and really requires clear goals. This can be a great thing because that sort of honed focus on what makes up a commitment is a great harbinger of future success in making said commitment.

... {snip} ...

Surfacing...

Sat, 19 Mar 2005 07:45:53 GMT

About four years ago I went into the "new parent" phase of my life and began to slip of the radar of many friends. The youngest has just hit 1 and now there is a glimmer of hope that I will be social yet again. Now I just need to figure where the heck everyone is. :)