Lissa (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} lissamc) wrote in deeperthou, |
"I'd be interested in seeing some of those writings if it's at all possible."
They're scattered across the net in the form of postings to various places, or tucked away in my journal in the form of poetry. I've been writing the stuff since high school, and try not to foist it off on people too often. :) But if I come across something decent, I'll let you know.
"One thing that I'm still working on is trying to fully accept that I can be completely myself and that others will find it attractive/appealing."
Well, I look at it this way. There are tons of people out there. When you present yourself with your public masks, what you are really doing is selecting for those people who find that set of masks appealing. And you end up with acquaintances who don't really know the real you, which is vaguely unsatisfying, and reinforces the idea that if people really knew you, they wouldn't like you. And yes, those people might not. Because you unconsciously screened for people who like that mask, and that is not the same thing as liking you. But on the other hand...all those people who *didn't* choose to get to know you, who rejected you, didn't really reject *you*, they rejected that mask. Which isn't really you, so you didn't really get rejected, right? Low risk, adequate pay off in the short run. You have to hide who you are to keep on the ride, but you've got people to interact with, and you dodged the sting of being *really* rejected. However, it erodes your self confidence in the long run.
Now, if you present yourself without those masks, as the unvarnished you...you'll still get rejected by a portion of the people you come across. And this time it stings a heck of a lot more, because it really *is* you they don't want to get to know better. Ow ow ow! BUT...at least a few of those tons of people will think you are cool, as is. Just as you selected for those people who liked the mask, you can select for those people who like the unvarnished you. And the pay off is enormous. Friends and loved ones who accept and love and like you just for exactly who you are, warts and all, are one of the most precious things in the world. The emotional risk is higher in the short run, but the benefits are proportionately higher. No more hiding. No more pretending to be someone you're not. And interactions that really matter, with people who really truly appreciate *you*. You become...authentic.
"Hearing that sort of thing makes me happy as I've seen way to many people (close and otherwise) that just can't make the steps in that direction."
The trick is to look for what is the hidden benefit they're getting from staying behind the masks. They're getting something valuable out of it, on some level.
Whew, that was a bit long, wasn't it? Oops. I love noodling on stuff like this. :)
They're scattered across the net in the form of postings to various places, or tucked away in my journal in the form of poetry. I've been writing the stuff since high school, and try not to foist it off on people too often. :) But if I come across something decent, I'll let you know.
"One thing that I'm still working on is trying to fully accept that I can be completely myself and that others will find it attractive/appealing."
Well, I look at it this way. There are tons of people out there. When you present yourself with your public masks, what you are really doing is selecting for those people who find that set of masks appealing. And you end up with acquaintances who don't really know the real you, which is vaguely unsatisfying, and reinforces the idea that if people really knew you, they wouldn't like you. And yes, those people might not. Because you unconsciously screened for people who like that mask, and that is not the same thing as liking you. But on the other hand...all those people who *didn't* choose to get to know you, who rejected you, didn't really reject *you*, they rejected that mask. Which isn't really you, so you didn't really get rejected, right? Low risk, adequate pay off in the short run. You have to hide who you are to keep on the ride, but you've got people to interact with, and you dodged the sting of being *really* rejected. However, it erodes your self confidence in the long run.
Now, if you present yourself without those masks, as the unvarnished you...you'll still get rejected by a portion of the people you come across. And this time it stings a heck of a lot more, because it really *is* you they don't want to get to know better. Ow ow ow! BUT...at least a few of those tons of people will think you are cool, as is. Just as you selected for those people who liked the mask, you can select for those people who like the unvarnished you. And the pay off is enormous. Friends and loved ones who accept and love and like you just for exactly who you are, warts and all, are one of the most precious things in the world. The emotional risk is higher in the short run, but the benefits are proportionately higher. No more hiding. No more pretending to be someone you're not. And interactions that really matter, with people who really truly appreciate *you*. You become...authentic.
"Hearing that sort of thing makes me happy as I've seen way to many people (close and otherwise) that just can't make the steps in that direction."
The trick is to look for what is the hidden benefit they're getting from staying behind the masks. They're getting something valuable out of it, on some level.
Whew, that was a bit long, wasn't it? Oops. I love noodling on stuff like this. :)
