Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in deeperthou's LiveJournal:

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Monday, July 31st, 2006
10:55 pm	Time flies... Just to prove I'm still here... I've just realized a couple of things: 1. Duran Duran has been releasing albums for 25 years! 2. Some part of me still wants to look like they did back then... :) (If you're wondering, my favorite song by them in the early 80s was "New Moon on Monday".) Current Mood: nostalgic (Comment on this)
5:03 pm	How long... Yes, it has been quite awhile since I've posted. Somewhere in the vicinity of January I turned my focus hard on my career and analyzed what I wanted for my immediate and long term future. I found that (1) I liked the projects I've been working on, despite all the stresses involved, and (2) that I really thought that I'd be happiest with a 'regular' developer's job. Sometimes I can be downright lazy, but when I do put my mind to something I can really attack things. Well, I put my mind to making the change... One of the biggest monkeys on my back after taking a position in my current group is that I almost didn't get the position on the account of my assessed development skills by the director of development. I've always felt I had the capacity, but I didn't have much opportunity for doing much coding until coming into this group- and there would undoubtedly be concerns about my lack of, um, 'seasoning'. So I've had a fair amount of paranoia about my skills over the past two years. I buckled down as hard as I could and made it as clear as possible that I wanted to move from SDE/T to SDE (Software Development Engineer [in Test]). I got an offer around March to become _the_ Setup and Build dev for the suite. Hmm... well, I'd never done anything related to either, but I felt it was my best opportunity and therefore I took the position. Did I mention that I knew nothing? And man alive are these areas huge. As a first step I had to put together a build system (in MSBuild if you're curious) that would build managed and unmanaged projects that share some code. That includes command line and VS based builds for individual developers as well as a daily build system that does all of the fun stuff like localizing and distributing bits around, etc., etc. I did have a good base in one of the apps to work from- but a LOT of work needed to be done to make it work in a generic way for the entire suite. I think I pretty much mastered the build, but the next task was even more frightening--Setup. Ugh- I lived in fear of this as the potential for screwing up is much greater. The Windows Installer isn't particularly easy to grok--I really feared that I wouldn't understand enough of it to feel comfortable putting a number of installers out in several different languages (at least by the time the first binaries are RTMed). Last week I hit a big milestone in getting my installer code reviewed by 'the' people that know setup. I came up smelling like roses and I can't begin to tell you what a difference that makes in my stress level. Oh, I still have a TON of stuff to do, but now I have a level of confidence that is *so* much higher. So there it is. Probably not that interesting, but the bottom line is that I just might stick a thought or two up here a bit more often. :) If I've been inattentive, I apologize. Current Mood: accomplished (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 8th, 2006
12:30 am	Breath Not much to say other than I'm finally considering poking my head up a bit. Been reflecting quite a bit and needed to turn inwards for a bit. Life and work had been a bit draining through the fall and I needed to turn full focus to my running responsibilities. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 9th, 2005
5:07 pm	It's Alive! I've been keeping a low profile for sometime now, but now I can tell you all about what I've been working on.  We've just released our beta so anybody out there who has Windows XP please go take a look!  The NEW app.  Professional level vector and pixel drawing is our bag.  Some very cool bits: Live Effects:  Apply any combination of filters to your vector shapes and pixel drawings and you can still edit everything. Photo Stitching:  The best I've ever seen. Web Preview: Set your rendering settings (say JPG at 72dpi and medium compression) and you see exactly what your results will look like and, yes, still edit everything. "Skeletal" Strokes: Just about anything can be made into a vector stroke.  Vectors, other strokes, etc. The best cut out feature I've ever used.  Start with a selected region then mark areas that are in and out of the picture.   (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
10:00 pm	Still on this planet I've had an interesting several weeks. I'm still a bit overwhelmed by how much I've still got to process and I'm not sure how soon much of it will come out here. I will say it's been an incredibly powerful time for me and I'm quite thrilled to have my head full again. :) If you read back through my posts (including my memories) you'll see some bits on the importance of honesty and openness.  I feel even more strongly now that is what has enabled pnwmom and myself to have spent an incredibly productive 11 years together so far.  I appreciate her capacity to communicate in ways I can't begin to describe justly--seeing how she can handle me flogging every last nuance out of a topic for several days on end makes me feel pretty damn lucky.  Have I mentioned how much I love her?  Certainly not enough. Well, stay tuned and hopefully I'll be able to write something profound before too much time goes by. (On the mundane front got my first physical since the Army. Triglycerides are too high, and my good cholesterol is too low. I'm already at a high risk for adult-onset diabetes, doc tells me to lose 10 lbs, cut down saturated fats, and start taking Omega-3 in force. Other than that, healthy.) Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Erasure (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 6th, 2005
4:08 pm	Resonance Thanks to a very special and amazing person that recently entered my life I've finally been turned on to Anaïs Nin. I'm kind of shocked that I never was exposed before. I did read Delta of Venus and enjoyed that for what it was, but never found my way from that to her diaries and such (although I did see Henry & June). A few things that really resonated with me: "When others asked the truth of me, I was convinced it was not the truth they wanted, but an illusion they could bear to live with." November, 1933 from The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Volume One 1931-1934 "There will never be darkness because in both of us there's always movement, renewal, surprises. I have never known stagnation. Not even introspection has been a still experience..." August 1932 from Henry and June "For me, the adventures of the mind, each inflection of thought, each movement, nuance, discovery is an immense source of exhilaration." January 20, 1934 from Incest Current Mood: Enthralled (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 3rd, 2005
1:45 am	Clarity I just have to share how astonishing it is to me how much clarity has entered into my life lately and how everything that surrounds me is pulling this clarity into an ever tighter focus. I'm stunned in a very good way. Current Mood: grateful Current Music: Sting- Fragile (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 1st, 2005
10:36 pm	Across the Universe Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup, They slither wildly as they slip away across the universe. Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind, Possessing and caressing me. Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes, They call me on and on across the universe. Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box, They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe. Sounds of laughter, shades of love are ringing through my opened ears Inciting and inviting me. Limitless undying love, which shines around me like a million suns, And calls me on and on across the universe... (From Across the Universe, Lennon/McCartney.) Current Mood: Awestruck... (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 31st, 2005
10:58 pm	Sorry one more... Sorry, but this is hillarious. :) (Edit: This was destined to drop off. The comic is of a man wedged between the headboard and the wall with his wife asking him if got up on the wrong side of the bed.) Current Mood: Laughing Current Music: Porno for Pyros "Pets" (Comment on this)
10:55 pm	Lighter side I had to share this. The topic came up again that I met my wife online 11 years ago. A younger co-worker was astounded in the way of "people did that back then?". Another co-worker said "Yeah, they sent ASCII-art pictures of each other.". Current Mood: amused Current Music: "I Miss You" Incubus (Comment on this)
9:20 pm	What is Love? Ok, light topic. ;) My thoughts (of course): Dependence is not Love. Possession is not Love. Lust is not Love. Life is about living it. Living life is not simply surviving/existing within it--that's life living you. Living life is actively participating in the process. Growth is the increasing ability to effectively participate in life. That growth comes from understanding. Understanding of one's self in relationship to life in general. Loving yourself is caring about and actively facilitating/pursuing your own growth. Loving someone else is caring about their personal growth and actively facilitating it. You can "care" about someone else's personal growth and not Love them. If this is true what is the differentiating factor? The "active" term is part of the difference. (Which ironically sometimes involves inaction--determined inaction anyway) But that isn't all, truly Loving someone is giving their growth priority in a way that's consistent and doesn't revolve around your own desires and convenience. You cannot actively facilitate someone's growth if you don't know what pursuing growth entails. You can't truly know what growth entails if you haven't pursued it yourself. If you do not Love yourself you cannot "truly" Love someone else. Inhibiting someone's growth is not Loving them. Completely subsuming and sacrificing your own growth for someone else isn't Loving them as you aren't Loving yourself. ( ... ) Well, that's my first stab at it, anyway. All things I've thought of and discussed, but I don't think I've ever written them down. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: "Wonderboy" (Tenacious D) and others (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 30th, 2005
7:06 pm	Identity Me This came up in conversation at work of all places and I saw another reference to identity that compelled me to jot down another bit of the past. As I've mentioned, I did a stint in the Army. I joined out of HS for a multitude of reasons. (Another story.) I was a Patriot missile technician/operator which, as far as Army jobs go, is pretty technical. Seemed the right sort of thing for me to do. If you knew me then or know me now the concept of me in the Army is a little hard to fathom. (Hell, it's hard for me. It is almost unreal.) It wasn't particularly easy. I did alright, enjoyed working on the missile system, but didn't really enjoy the "Army Life". More beneath the cut... ( Read more... ) Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: None (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
9:23 pm	The Littlest Cultist My three year old was walking around today holding a basket in front of her and repeating "Elmo is light" over and over. At first I thought I needed to get some serious deprogramming until I realized what she was trying to mimick. Too funny. Current Mood: amused (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 28th, 2005
3:59 pm	The net generation When I first started using email and the like 15 years ago it was pretty common to not have email/online access. The situation now is clearly different. In trying to get back in the swing of things after being relatively "off the grid" a couple questions have come to mind. With an increasing number of people communicating online it would seem that the ability to communicate in this medium should be getting better for the average person. Does anyone see this as being or not being the case? Are people communicating better with experience? Or just more? Opinions? Current Mood: curious Current Music: None (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 24th, 2005
10:58 pm	Deutschland More reflection... I've been doing a heck of a lot of thinking lately (even more than usual). ( Read more... ) Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Incubus (Comment on this)
4:22 pm	Sigh I'd almost forgotten how difficult it can be to trade posts. If you're at all interested you can follow a little confrontation of mine at http://www.livejournal.com/community/agnosticism/135122.html. It is religious in nature, consider yourself warned. :) Current Mood: distressed Current Music: Nothing (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
11:12 pm	Where the heck was I? Under a rock? Why yes, I have been. The kids thing is a fairly obvious thing, but what the heck else have I been doing? ( Read more... ) Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: Greenday- Longview (3 Comments |Comment on this)
10:18 pm	OKCupid fun Ok, it is much better. (than Friendster) Very interesting and quite addicting. :) I answered 500 or so questions and got a few matches that, er, weren't far from the family tree, so to speak. 89% is the best match I hit locally so far. Found that one quite interesting on a whole slew of different levels. Boy, I really was out of touch... So what are your "high" numbers? What is "high" in terms of this thing? Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: South Side (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005
11:27 pm	Just for kicks Just thought you might get a kick out of seeing me as a HS senior... (It's also a good chance for me to figure this posting thing out.) Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: Strangely silent (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 21st, 2005
9:34 pm	Keeping in the spirt of things... I've updated my friendster entry and made a few requests (of those I could find). Please feel free to send a friend request if I didn't find you... Join me on Friendster! (5 Comments |Comment on this)